The Phaser Has Officially Been Invented. Sadly No Redshirts Were Killed.

wickedclothes:

These cute kitty keychains are not toys, but are in fact a very serious defense weapon.

Use coupon code ‘KITTY’ to get an extra 20% off your entire order! 

Buy some here!

iamrickgrimesmissinghand:

When guns came along and became mankind’s primary weapon, axes were relegated to chopping firewood and other mundane tasks—ending the medieval golden age of axe design. But thanks to a recent spike in zombie popularity, designer axeshave enjoyed a renaissance.

You may never run into an…

I need this for my zombie kit!

Vladimir Putin Confirms Russian Zombie Radiation Gun

Russia and America have been uneasy pals for a while now, but that could all go down the drain in a microwaved hurry: the Rooskies are testing an energy weapon capable of causing extreme pain and mind-control. Russian zombies burning an American flag.

Australia’s Herald Sun reports the beam weapon, trotted out by Russian defense minister Anatoly Serdyukov, is capable of some serious frying:

Precise details have not been revealed but previous research has shown that low-frequency waves or beams can affect brain cells, alter psychological states and make it possible to transmit suggestions and commands directly into someone’s thoughts.

The weapons tech also causes a powerful burning sensation comparable to the microwave pain rays we use here in the US. But do our pain rays also cause mind control? No! And what’s more dangerous than a throng of dissidents writhing in pain and willing to do anything for Mother Russia? Nothing! Red zombie hordes. The Herald Sun claims “Mr Putin said the technology is comparable in effect to nuclear weapons but ‘more acceptable in terms of political and military ideology.’” Putin, ever the olive branch pruner—what could be unpalatable about brainwashing pain rays? [Herald Sun]

http://gizmodo.com/5899364/vladimir-putin-confirms-russian-zombie-radiation-gun

Air Force’s Experimental Hypersonic Aircraft Disappears Again

I don’t know what the hell is going on with the Falcon Hypersonic Test Vehicle 2, but the Air Force just lost it again. Last year, the first Falcon vanished over the Pacific Ocean, leaving absolutely no trace.

Now it has happened again. The Falcon HTV-2 launched today from the Vandenberg Air Force Base in California on top of a Minotaur IV Lite rocket.

After successfully separating from the missile, the Falcon reoriented itself for reentry using its Reaction Control System. During the reentry, it used RCS and its aero controls to fly into Earth’s upper atmosphere, passing to the pull-up phase, which put it in the correct altitude for the glide phase. In theory, during this phase the Falcon was going to test its aerodynamics and integrity flying at Mach 20, experiencing temperatures of 3,500 degrees Fahrenheit—enough to melt steel.

DARPA controllers at Vandenberg acquired signal from reentry to some time into the glide phase. At that point, only 36 minutes after launch, they lost telemetry contact never to get it back again. According to DARPA, the Falcon has automated self-destruction controls in case something goes wrong, but they still don’t know what has happened. Two hours ago at the time of this writing they haven’t followed up on their last Tweet.

Back in April 2010, the first Falcon flew for nine minutes before DARPA experienced loss of signal. According to the Air Force, “the vehicle’s onboard system detected a flight anomaly and engaged its onboard safety system-prompting the vehicle to execute a controlled descent into the ocean.”

Why did the Falcon disappear again? To me, the answer is clear. In two words:

Lex Luthor. [DARPA Twitter]

http://gizmodo.com/5830061/air-forces-experimental-hypersonic-aircraft-disappears-again

I THINK IT’S GOING SO FAST IT’S GOING BACK IN TIME!!!

KILLER ROBOT JETSKI! KILLER ROBOT JETSKI!

Featured to your right is the Blackfish, the Navy’s killer robot jetski, ensuring that when the robot uprising happens, literally nowhere will be safe. Thanks, Department of the Navy, you shouldn’t have! No, really, you shouldn’t have. What were you idiots thinking? Have you even seen a Terminator movie?

Anyway, the Blackfish was designed to hunt down and take out swimmers. No, really, that’s its job. There are supposedly security concerns about terrorists swimming up to our ships and harbors and blowing things up. We thought we had sea mines for this but apparently we need an overpowered robot.

We say overpowered because this beast can rip through the water at 40mph, but will rarely do so since the swimmers it’s looking for generally go about 2mph. So why make it a jetski? Why not a robot paddle boat or something?

[ via the floating robots at Wired ]

http://gammasquad.uproxx.com/

Glock 17 Explosive Ammo

More Mad Max/Twisted Metal craziness in Libya with this TANK TRUCK!

M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle (BAR) seeing service during the Korean War.

M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle (BAR) seeing service during the Korean War.

TWO AWESOMELY-SAFE WAYS TO LAUNCH A MACHETE

Internet commenters are known for many things: bad grammar, casual xenophobia, having no cognitive dissonance while insulting the looks of a solid ten while being a four at best themselves, bullying teenage girls 20 years their junior, and blaming political figures for their lost car keys.  Now they can finally claim responsibility for something positive: convincing two guys to build machete-propelling systems on a dare.  All is forgiven, internet commenters.  You done good.

The first video shows what happens when a commenter asks a slingshot enthusiast why his slingshots can’t fire machetes if they’re so great.  Well, the commenter really just asked if he could fire machetes, but the accusation was implied and so the gauntlet was thrown, and soon, the machete was thrown as well.  Slingshot maker Jörg Sprave of The Slingshot Channel built a machete slingshot / crossbow measuring more than six feet long.  He also shows off a surprisingly small cut on his arm from when the machete misfired.  It misfired.  The machete misfired.  And he somehow just got a scratch.  And kept firing it anyway, succeeding in embedding the machete in six thick layers of cardboard.  That’s dedication.  Wait, no, insanity.  I sometimes say “dedication” when I mean “insanity”.  Example: I blog every day because I’m dedicated.

The second video shows what happens when a commenter asks a far-fetched question about guns and another commenter suggests they buy “a gatling gun that shoots rocket propelled machetes” and then a third commenter shouts “Eureka!” and starts building a rocket propelled machete rig.  Sensible.  Skip to 1:18 on the second video if you don’t want the backstory and just want rocket machete goodness.  I already called dibs on “rocket machete goodness” as a band name.

 


[Hat tip and fancy new rocket skates to Hackaday and Neatorama.]

http://gammasquad.uproxx.com/2011/03/two-awesomely-safe-ways-to-launch-a-machete

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